The Mad Weaponsmith
by Draga
Summary: A collection of stories about our favourite weaponsmoth, Cysero!


Short story-The Mad Weaponsmith

They say I'm mad, but I disagree. Just because I turned a tower into a fish, and stuffed three people into a phone box just to see if they would fit doesn't mean I'm mad, does it? Anyway, my name is Cysero, a weapon smith. This is my story, a story that changed lives.

The day started off normally. I was woken by a stray chickencow that had wandered into the tower. It let off a loud moocluck (seriously, how do they do that?) and flew out of the window rather groggily.

"Damn" I groaned, "Must have left the door open last night." But then I wandered. What had happened last night? All I could remember was helping Ash pull a prank on Artix, and Warlic shouting at me to stop my laundry from destroying his research. As I got up, I heard a loud explosion outside. I went to the window, and saw Dr. Voltabolt. Falconreach's resident mad scientist and dentist was cackling madly in the wreckage of his lab. He was talking about "destroying magic" and "taking over the world", the usual drivel.

I went to get some breakfast, half walking, and half stumbling down the stairs. I felt unusually dizzy for some reason. Must still be a bit tired, I thought, but as I saw in the mirror I saw none of the usual symptoms: Bags under my eyes, slouching, and well groomed hair. (With most people, their hair is usually messy when the wake up, but I'm not most people.) I just assumed it was a trick of the light, and went down into the kitchen. It was empty. Usually Warlic was here cleaning up the mess I made from dinner, but though it was clean, he was nowhere to be found.

"Warlic!" I shouted, "Where on Lore are you?" There was no response. This is weird, I thought. I quickly summoned up some clothes and ran outside, where I was in for a shock.

The town was empty! There wasn't the sound of Yulgar working at the forge, or Gram's pet store's usual growling. I decided to investigate, so I made my way to my store to see what had gone on. The way the town was so quiet, it frightened me. Usually the town was alive and bustling with adventurers seeking new quests and rare items. Now, the only sound was of the wind blowing and the inn sign creaking.

When I arrived, I went to unlock the doors, or I would have if my store was there. I quickly searched around to try and find anything that could tell me what had happened, and soon I had. The dimensional anchor keeping my mega store attached to the universe had been severed! This is serious, I thought, so I decided to do the one thing that I had been taught to do in this type of situation: Run around screaming like a sneevil being chased by a gorillaphant. However, as I screamed, I heard a faint rustle behind the bushes so I decided to check it. To my surprise, I found what appeared to be a big red football, so I decide to relive my stress by punting it but before I could, it shouted at me to stop.

"Whoa," I said. " What did I drink last night?" My confusion was cleared away when I cleared away the foliage and found the cowering form of Twilly. I cleaned him with a blast of Waterga and after he wringed out his ears, he told me what he remembered.

"I can't remember much," he said. " It's mostly a big blur. All I can remember is Artix chasing Ash for some reason. I woke up this morning under this bush, and when I realised that no one else was here I hid."

We decided to split up to try and find anyone else, so I gave him some spare health potions and went to the portal at the top of town, near the guardian tower. I decided to go to Warlic's tent, to see if he had just left early and if he knew what was going on.

At his tent, I was in for some good news, some bad news and some horrible news. The good news was that Warlic was there. The bad news was that he was unconscious. The horrible news was that he was in a cage guarded by a giant mechanical drill. I had seen that drill before, but I just couldn't put my finger on it, or my toe.

I blasted the drill with an energy bolt, but it just shrugged it off. On its shoulder, I saw that a bit of it's wiring was exposed, so I jumped over it, and prised its shoulder open with my staff. Then I finished it off with a blast of energy at it's wiring. I blew open the cage door and woke up Warlic. I woke him up, and asked him if he knew who was behind all this, and what he said confirmed where I had seen the drill before, and that we were all in danger.

"Volt…a…bolt."

I couldn't believe what I had heard. I knew Voltabolt wanted to destroy magic, but DAMN! I never thought he'd go through with it. I was frozen to the spot, wandering how he could have done this. I came to and decided to take Warlic back to the tower so he could rest, then I could see what he knew when he had recuperated. I picked him up and slung him over my shoulder and walked back to the tower, burning with a rage I had never felt before except for that time when Zorbak stole my sandwich. That was a good sandwich.

Back at the tower, I placed Warlic in his bed and went downstairs for a drink. I sat down wearily, a million thoughts running through my head as I tried to figure out how Voltabolt carried out his plan, and what his plan actually was. Then I had an idea and rushed to Warlic's half of the tower, where I found Warlic sitting in bed reading a book.

"Warlic, do you remember anything about last night?" I asked, hoping against hope that my idea was wrong. Unfortunately my hopes were smashed, burned and fed to the dog.

"I'm sorry Cysero" he said, "but I do not. I have been consulting my books to try and find out why, but to no avail. It seems that Voltabolt used non-magical means to erase our memories and kidnap everyone in town." I looked at Warlic in disbelief.

"Of course Voltabolt didn't use magic. HE HATES IT! He hates it more Artix hates the undead…okay maybe not that much, but he still hates it a lot. " I went back to my side of the tower and tried to think of a way to take down Voltabolt, but then I thought of something. "Why don't I just hit him?" So I set out to Voltabolt's lab to take him down and bring back the townsfolk and our memories. I reached the lab and saw Voltabolt gloating in front of a giant cage that had everyone else inside, I even saw Artix's dog, Daimyo, gnawing at the bars. However, Voltabolt saw me and pulled a giant laser out of his pocket (How did that fit in there?) We had an epic fight that would take too long to describe, and anyone who missed it is instantly a loser. After Voltabolt's defeat, I knocked him into a conveniently placed panel that open the cage and restored our memories. "Ah, I can remember what happened! Even the prank me and Ash played on…oh crud!"

"CYSERO!" I heard Artix yell and looked behind me. He was standing there with his axe in hand, seething with rage. I screamed and ran back to the tower, with an angry Artix chasing me there. But that's another tale for another time so begone! I would like to continue my research on drawing limitless power from bacon.


End file.
